May 13, 2012

I’ve been a pathetic excuse for a blogger recently.  Between working at TJ’s, substitute teaching, and a full course load at Ball State, I just haven’t found much time for writing.  But with a four-hour layover, I don’t have much of an excuse today.  And for the three of you out there who have actually missed my posts, it looks like I might be giving you something to read again here in the next couple of months.  We’ll see.  I know you’ve heard that before.  It’s okay, I wouldn’t take my word for it either.

In about three hours now, my feet will be leaving the ground and they won’t land on American turf again until July.  I’m still trying to wrap my mind around being away from home that long.  And if I know me at all, I won’t be able to fathom it until it’s over.

Honestly, I have made and broken so many plans over the years that it’s hard to believe big things are going to happen to me until they actually do.  I’m hundreds of miles from where I woke up at home in Indiana this morning, and yet I’m still not convinced that I’ll really be going to sleep over the Atlantic tonight.  I think I’ll believe it when I see the coastline disappear behind me.

And I hate that.  It makes me sound so skeptical.  You know?

I wonder if anybody else feels the same way.  I wonder if I’ll always feel this way.  Maybe enough big things will eventually happen to me that I’ll begin to take these things in stride.  Two months abroad? Sure, that sounds like my life.  It’s not like I’ve had a boring life.  I’ve been on more adventures than most people my age, but the excitement has never worn off.  I still say, Me? Really? —flattered by Life every time an adventure comes my way.

So maybe it’s not skepticism at all.  Maybe it’s just wonder.


About leahrayanne

Autumn. Long conversations. Tea. People. Undisturbed land. Cooking. Literature. Teaching. Learning. Hiking. Travel. Laughter. Things built to last. Love. Home.
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1 Response to JFK.

  1. Arquibus says:

    Well, Leah, I hope you have/had/are having a safe flight. I’ve never flown on one of the big planes before, and I doubt I ever will. Because airport security sucks. And I’m probably on the no-fly list anyway.

    Truth be told, I never feel the way you do, except that I always do. Greatness is something that we all aspire to, whether it be adventure and discovery, reaching the top of our artistic or technical field, or what have you. But it’s not something easy to relate because all of us are different. How do you measure the greatness of, say, a Harrison Ford, against the greatness of a Neil Armstrong. Some people would, of course, immediately say that Armstrong is greater because he “actually did something” and Ford just “pretended”. In my mind, though, if you are good enough at pretending to do something, then you are doing something too.

    Of course, that’s all sort of roundabout and doesn’t really mean anything for either of us. So, I’ll put my own personal opinion of myself and my thoughts more plainly. I believe in greatness. I believe, at any moment, I could grasp what it is to be great. Maybe I will be in the neighborhood to do something heroic, and actually manage to do it. Maybe I have a breakthrough in my artistic “career”. Or, who knows, maybe something else. But I could do it. But I haven’t. Not yet. I suppose I may never, but that seems a bit like a resignation. I do not wish to believe that I won’t become great, so what little optimism I do have is feeding/fed by the desire/certainty of being great.

    I think that, in fact, that is the one thing I am doing right. You need to aspire to greatness. If you accept that you will not be great, then when opportunity comes you will miss it. On the other hand, if you know you are great, inevitably you will stop trying and lose your greatness, often without ever realizing it. So, what I think you have to do is this: Never believe yourself to BE great, but always believe that you are BECOMING great. I think, as long as we do that, we’re on the right path.

    P.S. – Never meant to write a book here. Still waiting to hear from you about the one I did mean to write.

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